Grant Me the Patience to Get Through the Grant Process

Today's task: The budget for the Second Chance Re-Entry Grant application Macon County is submitting.

I'VE LEARNED that the grant process is time-consuming, insecure and generally frustrating.  Living and working in Illinois is wonderful experience. Every program in Illinois must learn how to do with less (or none) or learn how to work the system to get more.  Grants are being cut right and left.  Successful programs are being chopped for short-sighted budget cuts.

I've been analyzing data all day long.  Macon County can't stand to lose any more funding.  Macon County needs more help, not less.  Macon County is home to a whole host of social issues from obesity to teen pregnancy, truancy to juvenile delinquency, not to mention unemployment and poverty, gangs and youth violence.  You can't fix the problems with money alone, but we at least need to keep what little money we have.

Do-Gooder

I don't do the things I do for recognition.  I don't tell you about my job and my volunteering just for you to praise me about how great I am.  I don't want you to say "We need more people like you in the world."  I want you to say "How can I get involved?"  I tell you about the work I do because I think its important to let people know that there are issues out there that ALL of us should be concerned about.  You can throw all the money you want at these issues, but only by getting out there and giving your time, your knowledge and your energy will you really be able to make a difference in your community.  Just throwing money at the problem is part of the problem anyway. Yes, there needs to be some money because we can't all be full time volunteers (in fact, only people like me with generous parents can afford to live this life).  But everyone has more time to give than they are giving.  If you aren't giving your time to help the black community, I don't want to hear you complain about the black community.  If you aren't giving your time to help teach our nation's children, I don't want to hear you complain about the education system.  If you aren't living a green life, I don't want to hear your preach about environmentalism.    Yes, all these issues will persist whether we complain about them or not.  If you fail to DO something, the problem WILL persist, but if you give of yourself to the pressing issues that concern you, you may be able to change them.

A little bit of a rambling rant.  Maybe I will come back and make that more succinct.

My 5 Year Class Reunion OR How to Embarrass Yourself in Front of People You Haven't Seen In 5 Years

Kathryn and I have come a long way!

 At first, I was pretty nervous to go to my class reunion.  Many schools don't even have a 5 year class reunion.  There were some people who, honestly, I have been avoiding since graduation.  But the friends I still keep in touch with wanted to go and they wanted me to go too.  MAN.  I'm so glad I listened to my much wiser friends.

I started off my morning almost in tears.  I've gained about 10 pounds since high school, my acne (which had gone away after taking Acutane in high school) has returned and my hair was NOT cooperating. 
I spent the day going to local garage sales with my grandma.  If this couldn't get me in a good mood, nothing would have worked.  Buying people's old junk is a favorite past time of mine.

I got ready quickly and was actually happy with the result- junk shopping put the glow in my cheeks!  I picked up Kiley, my best and oldest friend to go to dinner.  It only got better from here!

Friends that should have been my friends always

I saw people I didn't know I wanted to see.  Some of my classmates have really blossomed in the past 5 years.  They are doing wonderful things with their lives and it was so great to hear them share and to be able to share my work and goals with them too.

My long lost love, Anna.

For so long, I hated going home because I didn't think there was anyone to hang out with.  I lived at home all last summer and I left as much as I could and spent the rest of my time on the porch by myself.  I should have been seeking out all of these people who live around home still.  Even though they stayed at home, they are still doing big things with their lives.  Although, in the past year, since many of my class have graduated college, even more have moved back home than I would have expected. 

It was Lanark's annual Old Settler's Days, the biggest party Lanark has all year.  It was my first time being there since I can drink.  Too much fun.  WHO KNEW that Old Settler's Days were so rockin?!?  Well I'll be back next year to cause some madness again.  After the beer tent closed, we also closed down Dave's Place, the ONE and ONLY bar in Lanark.  Then I went to a party and THEN I stayed up talking to an old friend who is WAY more intelligent than I ever realized.

I LEARNED that I should have listened to my own advice.  I worked very hard in high school and was the Salutatorian of my class, which means I got to give a speech at graduation.  In my speech I told my classmates to go on to bigger and better things, but never forget where you came from.  All this time, I've been forgetting where I came from and only now did I realize that a huge part of who I am is because of where I came from and from who I had around me all those years. 

Me, Mari, Anna and Kiley in the car on the way to Old Settler's Days.  Somehow I always manage to pick right up where I left off with these girls.  "Cactus Friends" my mama always calls friends like these.  "You only have to 'water' them every once in a while, and they love you anyway"

Weenies for Everyone

Today's Topic:  Anthony Weiner.  Of course, it is because it just won't go away.  Even now that he has resigned, it still won't go away, I'm sure.

I do not condone his actions, as he is a public official.  However, he is also a human being.  We all have flaws.  We can all be a little pervy every once in a while.  He went about the whole thing wrong.  He should never have commented on the story AT ALL.  It never would have gotten to this point if he had declined to comment.  I feel terrible for his wife who is being dragged through all of this. However, as the wife of a public official, you pretty much agree to have your personal life put on blast.

However, However, However.  Sex scandals kind of fascinate us all.  For a country so obsessed with sex, we can't help but waste time talking about the sexual endeavors of our celebrities and public officials.  So I guess we should thank Weiner for his exciting side show.

As far as the media goes, I won't make much comment.  The media spends 62 hours making a big deal out of trivial matters like balloon boy and other missing white children all the while running a 15 second spot on REAL news.  Stop wasting my time.  Stop wasting YOUR time!  I wonder how you feel about your job when you recap at the end of the night and your top stories were Anthony's Weiner and Sarah Palin's 2+ year old e-mails.  Sad.  You can do better.

I didn't learn anything new today.  I went to school for Political Science and Mass Media.  I guess I couldn't help but make a comment on this heinous abuse of my time.

Someone like ME

I rode my bicycle to work.  Sang Adele songs all the way here.  Stopped at Wildflour, the bakery/coffeeshop for a scone.  The sun is shining, the weather is perfect.  I wore a cute outfit to work.  No matter what happens to make me sad, mad or crazy, mornings like these make me forget about it all.

Debating the Debates

I was ready to write a scathing review of the CNN Republican Primary Debate.  I watched it with cell phone in hand to text Pat Schacherer my most pressing thoughts on the candidates' soundbites.  However, I can't be quite as mean as I meant to.  The Republican Primary Debate was not meant for me.  I will never vote Repub.  I agreed with so little of what was said because the candidates were not catering to me.  However, I can't let the debate go un-debated.

Congrats to Romney on his healthcare comments.  He managed to defend what he did as governor, while still opposing the 2010 Healthcare Reform Bill (I refuse to call it Obamacare for my own reasons).  Of course, I am completely disgusted with every candidates' solution: repeal Obamacare!  None of them offered up any solutions other than "let the states do it!"  The only thing that any sensible person rages against from the Health Care Reform bill is the individual mandate (and I dislike this part too, as there was no public option available in the final bill).  However, since no one READ the bill (and most STILL haven't), they don't realize that there are some really wonderful things that will come to pass should the bill be allowed to stand.

Michelle Bachmann.  I don't agree with a single thing that comes out of this woman's mouth.  However, I applaud her for her role as a foster parent.  There are so many children in need of a loving home, even if for a short period of time.  However, even the selfless act of housing 23 foster children doesn't solve the real issues facing children of poverty in the United States.  There are millions of children in poverty in the United States and we can't all be foster parents, nor does being placed with a well-meaning foster parent solve the underlying issues that abused/neglected/dependent children face.  This is incredibly related to Bachmann's stance on abortion.  I still find it hard to articulate my stance on abortion in a tactful manner which reflect both my own moral stance on abortion as well as my social awareness of unwanted/unplanned and teen pregnancy in the poor community.  I will save that discussion for another day.  However, I am also curious where she stands on abstinence-only sex education.

Rick Santorum.  I think I dislike him almost as much as I dislike Michelle Bachmann.  I am not sure he meant to call being gay "bad behavior," but I was pretty incensed by this comment, but I won't say any more about this.  Don't Ask, Don't Tell was a discriminatory policy and like any other group that was not allowed to serve in the military, this too will cease to be controversial in time.

The final issue I would like to touch on is Republican sense of American Exceptionalism.  It is an almost undeniable fact that the United States is NOT the "best country in the world."  We are an empire in decline.  We can flail against reality for as long as we like, but just shouting "we're number 1!!!" doesn't make it so.  We need new policies and new politics which recognize our new position in the world in order to best address national and international issues effectively.

Only in Decatur

My entire weekend was filled with “Only in Decatur” moments.  A blue Macaw at Culver’s.  Stop the Violence Block Party.  Team DTF 150+ dB. 

When I first moved to Decatur, I heard so many bad things about this town.  The more I see in Decatur, the more those bad things were both confirmed and at the same time proven untrue.  There are some real social issues in Decatur, but at the same time, there are so many wonderful people here.  There are issues, but there are a lot of people trying their best to address those issues.

Some of my new friends might not be so concerned with the social issues here in Decatur, but they have sure made it easier for me to bear living here.  Before I met them, most of the people I knew were under the age of 18 or over the age of 50.  I laugh a lot more now that I actually have friends. 

I don’t know what I’m going to do if Alexa accepts her new job offer.  She would move to Chicago and leave me!!  It is selfish of me to want her to stay, but I can’t help feeling that way.  I’VE LEARNED that friends are fluid.  Every stage of life comes with new friends.  New friends from high school to community college. New friends the next year of community college when all of my first year friends graduated. New friends at ISU. New friends when I changed majors. New friends with every new boyfriend. New friends now for my year as a VISTA.  Soon enough I’ll have to make grad school friends. Then I’ll need to make “real life” friends.  Sometimes I hate making new friends, just knowing that I will have to start all over again when this stage of life is over.  But it’s those friends you make along the way that really make that stage worth being there. 

"Life is what happens while you're busy making other plans" --John Lennon, "Beautiful Boy"

The More You Know

Tonight I LEARNED that it IS about who you know.  Not for getting great jobs or neat experiences, but for enjoying your life.  It about who you choose to spend your time with.  If you fill your life with boring people, your life will be boring.  If you fill it with mean people, you too turn mean spirited.  If you fill your life with those who love to laugh, with those people who fill your ears with stimulating conversation and your eyes with toothy grins, you will lead a happy life.  I've always managed to find happiness in my life, and I attribute that solely to the people in my life.  I've found such wonderful people, how could I ever justify being unhappy?

Sugar High

This little 6-year-old boy looks very sweet and innocent. BEWARE.  Children are deceptive. Here are some stories about Brylan, just from today's excursion to the library, Kroger and my apartment.

1.  Brylan doesn't get his way. He cries.  His mom lets him come.  Very sneaky, young man.  You know how to play this game.

2.  The kids all take the elevator and I take the steps. All of them look petrified when they get off the elevator.  Brylan had hit all of the elevator buttons, including the emergency button. Apparently, 911 comes on the line  and they all freak out and hush each other up.  Looks like I, too, will be taking the elevator next time.

3.  Brylan decides he is hungry and cries because I won't let him leave the library (because we JUST got there).  He completely forgets he is hungry and instead INSISTS he reads me I Can Read With My Eyes Shut.  He knew the whole first and last page by heart.  However, he has to ask "what's that word?" for almost EVERY word throughout the rest of the book.  Sometimes he would try to guess a word (usually the hardest word on the page, like wonderful or Mississippi), but his only guess would be "Dr. Suess?"

4. Brylan seemingly knows the words to every hip hop song and mumbles along in the car.  We get in to Kroger and he sings "Put it down on YOUUU" (okay, maybe not ALL the words).  Everyone in sight looks over at us.  The girls and I double over laughing at the goof-ball.  Thank goodness other people laugh too.

5.  Brylan insists on getting chocolate syrup.  Comes back to the cart with Strawberry Syrup.  Gets angry at me when I tell him its not chocolate.

6.  We get to my apartment and he (having been here before) runs right to my keyboard, turns on one of the automatic songs and starts dancing like he's straight out of a hip hop video.

7.  After the girls discover my 5lb hand weights and start to do some goofy exercises, Brylan gets upset with them and tells the to stop.  He says "Girls don't exercise!!  Only boys get strong!"

8.  Before leaving, Brylan managed to spill ice cream, pizza and a popsicle on my floor, and spit up juice on the table cloth.  (Don't judge me for having given so much sugar to a 6-year-old right before I take him home!!)

Today I LEARNED that kids can make you laugh in a way that no one else does.  They don't mean to make you laugh and they sometimes get mad at you when you do laugh.

And sure, I laughed quite a bit today, but I also had a few important teaching moments.  The girls asked me about my opinion on "relationships" before marriage and having babies without being married.  We talked about college and what they want to be when they grow up.  I was able to turn Brylan's "only boys get strong" comment into a discussion on violence against women and girls.  And I mean a discussion, not a lecture.  These kids are amazing.  The more we get to know each other, the more we learn from each other.

The first time any of the girls have come to my apartment, each of them have said "I wish you were my mom" when they are alone with me.  It breaks my heart. I LEARNED that kids make you tear up just as much as they make you laugh.  They are open, enthusiastic and sincere and they inspire me to stay that way too.

Corny Movies with Sword Fights

After LEARNING how debilitating a little "bug" can be to my productivity, I've decided to recover from the flu by procrastinating some more.  More movies and air-conditioning.

Tonight on the Netflix: First Knight.  I'm such a nerd for these kinds of movies.  Of course, we've come so far from the days of feudal lords, but one quotation really stuck out to me:  "In serving each other, we become free."

I'VE LEARNED that chivalry isn't dead.  In the media, we see examples of shameless self-promotion and greed.  But in my day-to-day life, I've met so many people who are serving others.  Its these selfless, engaged and compassionate individuals who inspire me to continue trying to make a difference.  Its comforting to know that an idea so medieval (though, no doubt a modern idea plugged in to the legend) as this still has relevance in a seemingly disconnected world.

XXX-Rated

After watching the new X-man movie, I couldn't help but watch all the rest of them as well.  I wasted an entire beautiful day watching X-men and napping.  Did I learn anything today?  I LEARNED that its OKAY to not learn anything by 7pm on a Sunday.  There are still a few hours left, maybe I'll even leave my apartment.

New Buddy-Buddies

Spent time with new friends tonight on the lake.  WHAT I LEARNED tonight is that making friends can make any new place feel like home.  Even this picture looks like a million pictures I've taken from my parents' boat on the Mississippi. I'm sad that it took me so long to finally make friends, but I am glad it happened just in time to have a great summer full of nights like these.

Things Will Go Wrong

Pretty much everything went wrong this morning.  However, I'm never in trouble for being late to work.  The Nutella came out of my black and WHITE skirt.  Sheryl gave me a solution for getting rid of the ants I found this morning.  My dad sent me an e-mail forward that was NOT about abolishing welfare.  AND we have Teen Court Juror training today and tomorrow, ending a 2 month project I've been doing at work.

WHAT I LEARNED today is that even when everything is going wrong, I'm still okay.  No, I'm still GREAT.  I have more reasons to laugh than cry.  Hopefully I gave someone a reason to laugh if they were watching me run (in heels) into the office this morning with my hair a mess and chocolate on my skirt.